Sincere apology to all
Posted: 14 Mar 2024
Hello fellow musicians.
This apology has been a (very) long time coming.
Over the past couple weeks, I have sent personal apologies to everybody that should get one, including reason studios and a couple devs.
Unfortunately, I have been unable to send one to U-HE, to whom I really, *really* owe an apology (we were actually friends before I decided to act like an ass - he had even kindly given me Zebra for FREE as a surprise gift many years back, top bloke), as every time I try the submit form on his website it fails at the submit portion. Hopefully he will read here or I'll try again later.
So, this is WAY overdue.
I'll try not keep it toooo long Hehe.
A few years ago I behaved like an entitled brat online. I had inexcusable behaviour.
I am going to be blunt - I was on a shitload of hard core meds, and although it's not an excuse, I do know for a fact that it had something to do with my actions. I would go from extreme highs to lows in a matter of minutes, anger, desperation, sadness, then elation and so on. Plus I was and am in 24/7 pain. It took me a very long time to wean off them, but I did it, and now I just put up with the pain and take non narcotic muscle relaxant and ibuprofen or paracetamol. It is what it is. C'est la vie.
I haven't made music for 4 full years now. In 2020 I moved to Windows, I was more or less bed ridden and wanted to at least be able to play the latest games with a controller in bed, so, I did that.
I still have all my audio gear though, both soft and hardware, besides the iMac Pro which I sold in 2020 (M2 ultra on the way, definitely going back to Mac just for the music side of things. Although legacy plugin compatibility and old apps like Virus TI still work on Win 11 today, after working back to back with PT in both Win and MacOS, I just felt so much more comfy in MacOS, not to mention that my 6 UAD thunderbolt 2 devices work perfectly, as I tested them on a base Mac studio, and they do not work at all on a thunderbolt 4 PC).
I started getting back into music composition and mixing a few weeks back.
It pretty much feels like a fresh start to me, although I am not "well" physically speaking, I am better and capable of enjoying my music again.
So because of that fresh start, although some may disagree, I feel so ashamed with some of my past actions that I felt I HAD to tell you all I am sorry.
The reason I am posting here as one of the apology destinations is because a lot of this happened at the props forums, and I am sure a lot of you remember it, not to mention directly with props support and even Ernst himself. The creator of this forum originally didn't even want me here, but the legendary Selig at least helped make that happen, so thanks to Selig and the owner of this forum for kindly giving me a chance.
I am just SO profusely sorry for the way I sometimes behaved. It was disgusting and rude.
I am a completely different person these days. I am now 51yo and I looked back and realised that I was a low 40's man that was behaving worse than a spoiled child. Much worse.
I have it under control, the way I reply and interact with people.... to the point I can actually guarantee that that ugly guy will never surface again.
I was actually banned from KVR many years back (I deserved it) and do miss it, and would love to apologise to some there, especially to bluedad, although thankfully at Gearspace I only have one infraction over a period of a decade, so hopefully that shows that I have improved.
Again, I am truly sorry for my disgraceful behaviour and can only hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Some of the stuff I used to talk about had technical merit, but it was the outrageous way I went about it.
I still can't believe some of the stuff I said, it's like I was in the twilight zone. No one is ever going to get along with everyone online, and there WILL be people, always,. at some point, who love looking for trouble. Now I just politely mute them. And I have vowed to never be one of those people myself, as I myself started it a lot of the time, with rude, condescending remarks about the work of wonderful coders who put their sweat blood and tears, not to mention love, into their products. Never again.''
The TLDR; version is that everything in my heart that I have to give, I give a most sincere apology with it.
Anyway, it's time to move on to greener pastures and be a part of the community again, and I hope you are all having a fab 2024, I hope none of you were too affected by the horrible 2020-2022 period, and I look forward to engaging in conversation again.
Peace
T
This apology has been a (very) long time coming.
Over the past couple weeks, I have sent personal apologies to everybody that should get one, including reason studios and a couple devs.
Unfortunately, I have been unable to send one to U-HE, to whom I really, *really* owe an apology (we were actually friends before I decided to act like an ass - he had even kindly given me Zebra for FREE as a surprise gift many years back, top bloke), as every time I try the submit form on his website it fails at the submit portion. Hopefully he will read here or I'll try again later.
So, this is WAY overdue.
I'll try not keep it toooo long Hehe.
A few years ago I behaved like an entitled brat online. I had inexcusable behaviour.
I am going to be blunt - I was on a shitload of hard core meds, and although it's not an excuse, I do know for a fact that it had something to do with my actions. I would go from extreme highs to lows in a matter of minutes, anger, desperation, sadness, then elation and so on. Plus I was and am in 24/7 pain. It took me a very long time to wean off them, but I did it, and now I just put up with the pain and take non narcotic muscle relaxant and ibuprofen or paracetamol. It is what it is. C'est la vie.
I haven't made music for 4 full years now. In 2020 I moved to Windows, I was more or less bed ridden and wanted to at least be able to play the latest games with a controller in bed, so, I did that.
I still have all my audio gear though, both soft and hardware, besides the iMac Pro which I sold in 2020 (M2 ultra on the way, definitely going back to Mac just for the music side of things. Although legacy plugin compatibility and old apps like Virus TI still work on Win 11 today, after working back to back with PT in both Win and MacOS, I just felt so much more comfy in MacOS, not to mention that my 6 UAD thunderbolt 2 devices work perfectly, as I tested them on a base Mac studio, and they do not work at all on a thunderbolt 4 PC).
I started getting back into music composition and mixing a few weeks back.
It pretty much feels like a fresh start to me, although I am not "well" physically speaking, I am better and capable of enjoying my music again.
So because of that fresh start, although some may disagree, I feel so ashamed with some of my past actions that I felt I HAD to tell you all I am sorry.
The reason I am posting here as one of the apology destinations is because a lot of this happened at the props forums, and I am sure a lot of you remember it, not to mention directly with props support and even Ernst himself. The creator of this forum originally didn't even want me here, but the legendary Selig at least helped make that happen, so thanks to Selig and the owner of this forum for kindly giving me a chance.
I am just SO profusely sorry for the way I sometimes behaved. It was disgusting and rude.
I am a completely different person these days. I am now 51yo and I looked back and realised that I was a low 40's man that was behaving worse than a spoiled child. Much worse.
I have it under control, the way I reply and interact with people.... to the point I can actually guarantee that that ugly guy will never surface again.
I was actually banned from KVR many years back (I deserved it) and do miss it, and would love to apologise to some there, especially to bluedad, although thankfully at Gearspace I only have one infraction over a period of a decade, so hopefully that shows that I have improved.
Again, I am truly sorry for my disgraceful behaviour and can only hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Some of the stuff I used to talk about had technical merit, but it was the outrageous way I went about it.
I still can't believe some of the stuff I said, it's like I was in the twilight zone. No one is ever going to get along with everyone online, and there WILL be people, always,. at some point, who love looking for trouble. Now I just politely mute them. And I have vowed to never be one of those people myself, as I myself started it a lot of the time, with rude, condescending remarks about the work of wonderful coders who put their sweat blood and tears, not to mention love, into their products. Never again.''
The TLDR; version is that everything in my heart that I have to give, I give a most sincere apology with it.
Anyway, it's time to move on to greener pastures and be a part of the community again, and I hope you are all having a fab 2024, I hope none of you were too affected by the horrible 2020-2022 period, and I look forward to engaging in conversation again.
Peace
T